By Bismah Mirza
My grandmother passed away on Thursday, February 20, 2020, in Saddar, Karachi. She holds a very special position in my life. I do not have to describe her compassion, love and the beauty she possessed. I wrote this so-called memoir for her, when she passed away at past midnight as I could not sleep. These were the thoughts which were haunting me and waiting to come out.
When I was growing up, my grandmother was there for me. She was there on every event which could leave a lasting impact in my life, be it fight with my mother, siblings, heavy rainfall, not to mention, birthdays, graduation, wedding, she was there. Once I got very angry on reasons unknown, I threw all the cushions on the floor and when I saw her coming, I ran and quickly sat on the blue sofa in her drawing room and pretended that I was angry so she could not scold me. But she came and put her hand on my head and said, ‘Don’t get upset, it is not good for your health,’ and she turned away, without uttering a single word of reprimand.
I was not only relieved but surprised, grateful and guilty that I really do not know what to do. I felt so many emotions at one go. All I thought was to do something good for her. So, I picked up all the cushions from floor and ran downstairs to get something for her from the vegetable shop, from the little money I had.
As a child, on the store I was temped to buy candies for myself, but my desire to please her was stronger and I ran upstairs to give her vegetables, as I knew she must have started cooking. She saw the cabbage in my hand, smiled and said, ‘next time get leafy cabbage’. ‘Oh’, I said but she smiled again and said, ‘don’t worry, we will use it as well’. I was really pleased and secretly thought she is a magician who could solve every problem but I never felt the urge to learn that magic from her; which could calm the restless, please the unpleasant. Little did I know that she was not invincible.
She will leave me, when I will leave her. Within One and half year of my marriage, she left me. I got married and moved to another city and she moved to another world. She once said to my husband, ‘You took away our light!’ I still remember, when I was little, I used to steal from her purse to buy pastries. When I grew up, I used to feel guilty but now I think, she knew I was the thief, as how come she only kept 10 paisa’s enough to buy my favorite pastry? She was ill from her disease, fighting silently but with such poise and composure that she remained the cornerstone of our lives. She was epitome of love and affection and could tame the wilds of the wild. We always took her love for granted, we knew that she will be there to forgive us, seek forgiveness that we forget she is a mortal. We took her for granted and God took her to paradise.
Nani, may you receive highest rank in Jannah, Ameen.